Yesterday was a very revealing day to me. It told me something about human emotions especially when it comes to matters of the heart.When the wisest man that ever lived said one of the things that defy explanation to him was the way of a man with a maid, he must have forgotten that its a two way equation; the way of the maid with the man as well!
Actually am baffled with the assumptions People usually have about relationships. Especially when a young man and a woman are seeing each other often. The next thing that will be playing on their minds is, “Maybe he will ask me out” “Am sure that girl is falling for me” etc. Well that is not what i want to dwell on, but on the thin line in between love and lust.
I met this young Lady about 4 years ago in School, a next door neighbor. We see regularly, chat together and keep each other company occasionally. Just a very regular relationship in such a school environment or so i thought. Well, Unfortunately she had to leave school to do her undergraduate outside the country and we lost touch until mid last year when i met her online. We just chatted briefly, said she was married with kids and that was the end or so i thought. Yesterday, i met her online again exchanged pleasantries and then she dropped the bombshell that had me thinking till now.
She said till now, she has not found anybody like me, that didn’t really get me. What got me was that, she claimed to have loved me then, but that i rejected her! And she held that in her mind all these years! And i can remember vividly the last night i was with her;a night where passion almost enveloped us but for God’s mercy. And i left town the next day to avoid getting entangled and she travelled that week as well. And not for once did it ever occur to me that i want to date her or go out with her in anyway whatsoever. And she herself never raised or suggested it in any form either subtle or flagrant.
And last night i was thinking, where is the line of demarcation between lust and love? Or perhaps, is this lust or love in operation? We got chatting for quite a while and she later called me. But one thing i was able to decipher out of our conversation was an underlying lust masked as love. (Maybe my assumptions). But it was so strong. I could feel its pulsating power at work even across the distance between us, across the time that has separated us all these years, its potency,at its peak, like a pot of boiling water. Its heat searing and scotching like a volcanic lava consuming anything that dares stand in its way. And i asked myself again, is this lust or love?
Am not trying to be a Saint and i will never attempt to be one. Its just a pity when People look at me like a saint or assume am as innocent as a baby.But babies are not innocent when you get privy of the atrocities they commit has well when sucking their Mother’s breast. But i like to be real with myself. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart, i like telling myself the home truth to avoid getting unnecessarily mired in a quagmire.
But, i wonder why people will equate lust with love or why people tend to think along that line. Probably, the lines are so blurred into one another that a clear cut distinction can’t be made but i don’t want to believe that is the case. I believe its about our value system. What we hold dear and cherish. Its about us as individuals, what we see in ourselves that no other can see in us. Our fundamental identity and understanding about ourselves, not tied to another person. Even though, emotions can blunt out all logic and reasoning, i believe it can be mastered well enough for us not to be overwhelmed at critical moments in our lives.
Yes it may be a thin line, but thin enough to differentiate between life and death.